As with all showers, the friends of the bride (especially the married ones) took turns giving her advice based on their experience and these five stuck:
DO NOT LOOSE YOURSELF
After marriage, there is a high tendency to relax and just let yourself go because ‘see finish’ sets in…. well, DON’T! remember who you are, the things you liked to do, the way you liked to look, the way you took care of yourself. Granted, it gets extremely overwhelming, especially after the kids start rolling in but you must make time for yourself in order to keep your sanity. Remember you can’t keep a healthy and happy home if you are not happy and healthy yourself.
PLAN YOUR FINANCES
You must learn to prioritize, if you did not pay attention in Economics class, well you better figure out a way to learn about scale of preference and opportunity cost. You need to carefully make financial decisions with your spouse, actually you need to make all decisions with your spouse…. ‘the two have become one’. Going off on your own to do random buys or on a shopping spree is a recipe for disaster. And NO! it does not matter if the money is all yours.
DO NOT GO IN EXPECTING YOUR SPOUSE TO CHANGE
Sorry hun, but what you see is what you get. They are not going to change after marriage, ‘I do’ is not a transformation spell that magically turns them into the ideal spouse. They are not going to get more loyal, or stop cheating, or stop beating you, or get more attracted to you or start treating you with respect. Soooo…. darling, if you do not like how they are currently, it’s best you do not head to the altar.
PROTECT YOUR SPOUSE
Protect your spouse from your family and from your friends…. do not go running your mouth to them about every little problem; because you might forgive your spouse out of love but they never will. Your friends and family will hold a grudge against your spouse for that little quarrel you had, remembering how you told them it made you feel long after you and your spouse have moved on and this will affect their relationship with him, it might even cause them to disrespect him or look down on him. Then you find yourself having to spend so much time trying to correct this problem. Remember that they are not in the marriage with you and only know what you tell them, even their interpretation of situations and body language will be based on what you’ve told them so be careful what that is.
UNDERSTANDING & FRIENDSHIP
Know our spouse, make them your best friend; love alone cannot sustain a marriage because love is unstable. There will be days when you might not be feeling the love, friendship will keep you going. Also, remember that no two relationships or marriages are the same – Do not try to copy anyone; figure out what works for you and your partner and stick with it. People are different so do not expect your partner to think or act like you, which is why you need to pay attention and study them in order to understand them.